Oh f---k me!

You know I have tried MONTHS to not blame God for what's going wrong with my life, and I have tried and tried to not get mad or upset...

But there comes a time after so much has fucked up you have to look around and ask...

"WHAT THE FUCK?"

I have seen artists with no skill start making a living selling there art, I have seen people with NO SKILL get jobs I have tried to get, I have worked my ass off to prove that I want to work just to get fired, I have seen people at labor Ready get work for no reason, I have had companies SAY I'm employed by them and never get a call, and now to top it all off,

I get the first chance to make some money in months I get a chance to go to a Flee Market in Portland and guess what happens...

Don't worry I'll wait...

Give up?

The fuel pump in my Explorer goes out!

(This part of for car people)
I turn the key, the starter cranks with no problem, it just doesn't FIRE! A friend of my parents came over and checked the fuel pump relays and they are working it's just the pump doesn't start up!

Now the fuel pump isn't TO HARD to replace but it dose involve dumping out the gas I just paid for buying a new pump REMOVING the gas tank, spending another 50 bucks I don't have and SUPPOSING that's the problem it might work.

So once again I get a chance to make money and "fate" kicks me in the fucking balls, and it's NOT JUST the flee market I had an appointment to donate Plasma in Eugene that was supposed to get me some money that way but OH WELL I GUESS!

I don't know what's going on with my life but it's really getting to the point it's REALLY STARTING TO PISS ME OFF!

I mean seriously what could cause THAT MUCH to go wrong ALL THE TIME?

What have I done that makes me so much worse that the rest of society? I was raised a Christian so I'm not allowed to believe God hates me but there are times you have to look around and it just makes me go "Allright what the fuck God?"

See I have asked God several times "What path do you want me to walk?" and most of the reason I've given up is I have yet to get a single answer....

That's part of the reason I hate going to church so much, is because it's full of people god has shown there path too, I genially get PISSED OFF every time I go to church wondering what is it about me that ALL THESE people have some kind of path God wants them to walk, but here I am going "I'll do what ever you want just give me a direction!" lookin' like a dumbass with no direction to go.

They say in Christianity that for every door God closes, he open another, and I'm just sitting here in an entire hallway of closed doors scratching my head with a big "WTF" on my face.

I am angry, I am pissed and I want SO BAD to go berserk and hurt people, but I know that'd be the stupidest course of action possible so I bite my tongue and continue on.

I just want ONE THING to go right and I don't understand why that's such a hard thing to ask for.